If you pass a man and ask him, “How are you?”, you’ll probably hear the usual answers: fine, great, awesome, good, not bad. Most of the time, that’s all the person asking really expects to hear anyway.
But ask him, “How are you, really?” and there’s a good chance he might cry.
Not just because he’s going through a lot, but because he may be expressing it for the first time in months or even years. It’s like a dam that has been holding everything back for far too long. When it finally breaks, everything that has been building up comes out at once. The tears, the frustration, the fear, the disappointment and all the things that have been stuck in his throat for all that time. At that point, he may not even have control over what comes out.
And even after that, don’t expect him to become completely transparent again.
He’ll probably be reluctant because he has already convinced himself that nothing really changes when he opens up. He may believe that society will look at him differently, laugh at him for crying or question whether he is “being a man.” So he expresses a little, wipes his tears, puts on a fake smile, says, “All good,” and goes back to his jungle of responsibilities.
You might argue that he needs to express himself, share what he’s going through, talk to someone or get help. He probably knows that. But somewhere along the way, he has also learned that opening up doesn’t necessarily make anything easier.
His belief is that he shouldn’t cry, shouldn’t complain and shouldn’t express too much. He has been taught to deal with things quietly, carry his responsibilities and keep moving.
So he does exactly that.
He mans up and leaves.
